A common first response to the requirements of recovery is to negotiate, picking and choosing what we think will be helpful. One person might say, “I don’t need to go to a meeting every day for the first 90 days,” while another exclaims, “I don’t need a sponsor. I can do this by myself.” Yet another might assert, “I don’t have to work all the Steps. One and twelve are enough for me.” This kind of thinking is rooted in the mistaken belief that we are special and unique, and that we don’t have to follow the same path that everyone else has taken to develop a solid recovery. This dangerous attitude has led many newcomers, and even more seasoned individuals, back into the depths of despair and relapse. While we may be special and unique in certain ways, this does not apply to the fundamental nature of our struggles with addiction.
To begin the journey of recovery, we need to embrace the concept of surrender. Surrender can best be defined as the total and complete acceptance of the reality of our situation. We suffer from an illness that we are fundamentally powerless to defeat on our own. Surrender also entails recognizing that our illness has severely impaired the way we manage our lives, relationships, and responsibilities.
This is a lot to accept, especially if we are governed by false pride and tend to minimize the severity of our problems. The underlying motivation behind this self-defeating strategy often stems from the thought: “If I don’t have to do everything that everyone else has to do, then I’m not as sick or as troubled as those who need to work the entire program.” Here is where the danger truly begins. If we do not surrender to the reality of our condition, we will lack the motivation needed to go to any lengths to stay clean and sober. Without this foundational acceptance, we will not have the necessary groundwork to tackle the upcoming tasks that are essential for establishing and maintaining a solid recovery.
Admitting that we are powerless and that our lives are unmanageable can be devastating for many people early in recovery. However, Step 2 offers us a glimmer of hope. Hope is an essential force present in recovery. It springs from a deep-seated faith that recovery can work; a firm belief that our lives can indeed be better, happier, and healthier. We often find hope within our program of recovery itself. On page 58 of the Big Book, the newcomer is told, “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.” For many individuals who have achieved solid, long-term sobriety, it may be more accurate to say, “I can’t imagine how anyone could use or act out if they were genuinely working a solid program.”
In fact, really engaging with a program of recovery is absolutely and unequivocally incompatible with using substances or engaging in destructive behaviours. If we cling to the belief that we are somehow special and unique, we may find ourselves disregarding these crucial words of advice. The moment we think we can handle things differently is often the moment we set ourselves up for failure. Embracing the collective wisdom of others who have walked this path can be the very lifeline we need to navigate the complexities of recovery.